Dear Annie: I have been married for more than 20 years, and my husband has always taken care of our financial matters. I have trusted him to manage everything, but lately, I’ve begun to feel anxious. When I inquire about our savings, expenses, or retirement plans, he often dismisses my questions or provides unclear responses. I’m unsure if he’s concealing something or simply believes I don’t need to know.
I don’t wish to accuse him of anything, yet I also want to be aware of our financial status. What if something were to happen to him? How should I approach this topic without provoking a disagreement or making him think I distrust him? — Feeling Left Out in Finances
Dear Feeling Left Out: Your feelings of unease are completely valid. Marriage is a partnership that involves shared responsibilities, including finances. You are justified in wanting to understand your current situation, and your husband shouldn’t perceive your inquiries as a threat; it’s a matter of practicality.
The most effective way to discuss this is with kindness rather than accusation. Choose a peaceful moment and express something like, “I would love for us to review our finances together so I can feel more secure about our future. Can we take some time to go through everything?” This approach avoids making the conversation feel like an interrogation and instead promotes a sense of collaboration.
If he continues to dismiss your concerns, gently but firmly remind him that as his spouse, it’s important for you to be in the loop. If anything were to happen to him, would you even know how to start managing things? A responsible marriage ensures that both partners have access to crucial financial information.
If he persists in resisting this discussion, there might be a deeper issue at play—be it discomfort with financial discussions, financial mismanagement, or something he fears revealing. In this case, it could be beneficial to involve a neutral third party, such as a financial adviser, to ensure everything is on the right track.
This concern is not about trust; it’s about security. Every partner deserves to have financial transparency, and you have every right to be informed and prepared.
Feel free to send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
